What do you envision when you read the words "female power". Does your consciousness drum up visions of Gloria Steinem in a mini skirt and see through blouse holding up an "equal pay" protest sign? If so, be certain that your perception is based entirely on how society has viewed a powerful woman.
What exactly is "power"? After all, it does us little good as women to subscribe to the visions of our societal thinking if this thinking isn't in line with how we view ourselves and our roles as powerful women.
As women in the Western world, we have not been held back by political power, but by centuries old forces of female oppression. Emotional toxins are handed down through the ages.
Yes, we've stopped burning witches - but we haven't routed out the Western consciousness of our suspicions toward powerful females, nor have we defined what a "powerful woman" really is.
In the Middle Ages, the word witch meant "wise woman". We have painted this vision of the wise woman to resemble an ugly, worn out, evil old woman. Take a look around you, it's Halloween, how many of us have daughters who want to be witches? Mine never did. She always chose something powerful and beautiful for herself. Ever see a "beautiful" witch depicted with white light around her, let's not forget the halo, no, I personally can't remember ever seeing one either!
It is very clear that the disturbing image of "wise women" was fabricated by the early church. The intention of this male dominated power structure was intent on denigrating and suppressing female power. Our knowledge of herbs, childbirth, earthiness as well as our spirituality was deemed an enemy. Where pagan priestesses initiated men into their manhood through sexual rites, Christianity would declare that our sexuality was holy only if it was used for procreation purposes.
History (or should we say herstory?) will show us that when we can no longer make babies, then we had no other "holy" function. During the holocaust of women (witch burnings) it was the older unmarried women who were usually the first to be burned at the stake. If we were not in agreement with the church then we were cavorting with the devil. This notion is of course ridiculous. But there is nothing humorous about several hundred thousand or more women burning at the stake. Witch burnings were a female holocaust.
Because of herstory women have been afraid to show our deep fierceness.
Our mass primal fear being so deeply etched and woven into our own tapestries of what power actually means to a woman. The word "witch" may not be used in our daily dialog, it has been replaced by "bitch". Clever, how just one letter was changed. Can we define a word for males that is equal in negativity? Try to think of one, you won't find it in our culture - but "bitch" has stuck.
We can all foster up an image of a woman who fits that description - even if it's ourselves!
The wise woman knows the importance and the interconnectiveness of each individual and the natural world. Their historical disappearance paved the way for today's environmental crisis, paving the way for an era in which it has been deemed acceptable for humanity to dominate nature. In order to really end this global crisis, we must first understand the cause that produced it.
We have desecrated the earth in the same manner that we have desecrated the wisdom of women.
As women, collectively we must not forget our ancient powers but embrace them.
Now is the time to move forward, arms held high with self respect, joined together in strength and triumph. We are not home yet, but are headed in the right direction.
Perhaps the witches of yesteryear can rest now, knowing that we are carrying the torch in their behalf. I personally grieve for every woman who cannot find her own voice, who has lost it due to societal conformity. These elders will finally be honored as we step up to the plate and own our own power.
Next post: how to become a powerful woman. We are all powerful women, we just need a reminder!
Happy Halloween!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
GRADITUDE
"WORRY DOES NOT EMPTY TOMORROW OF ITS SORROWS, IT EMPTIES TODAY OF IT'S STRENGTH"
Corrie Ten Boom
These words were written during WWII. While the Nazis were occupying her country this brave Dutch woman did the unthinkable; she hid the Ann Frank family (and others) in her attic. The punishment for this act was death. Not just her death, but the death of her entire family. They, like many others would have ended up in the death camps.
When I was growing up in the Netherlands, my father kept a small book with black and white pictures of "inmates" at various concentration camps throughout Europe. The pictures consisted of men, women and children in varying stages of dying. Some pictures depicted huge mountains of the dead, others depicted mass graves filled to the top with the dead. Their bodies looked more like skeletons with some skin pulled tight over their protruding ribs. Their faces all depicted the horrors of starvation and suffering.
My dad would say to me "whenever you feel like you don't have enough - look at those faces carefully, and then count your blessings for all the good in your life". I was five years old - but I got it.
In some families, this sort of visual display of suffering would have seemed out of place, but since my father had been a resistance fighter this became a normal topic of conversation in our daily lives, and so did the issue of gratitude.
When we immigrated to America, there were lean times when my family couldn't pay the light bill. I would come home from school to find my mother cooking on our gas stove surrounded by candle light. When I would ask her why there was no electricity, she would say "we won't have lights until payday, but we are having a party tonight, all of the immigrants are coming,
I want us all to come together and be grateful for each other and what we have." Gratitude was more powerful than any loss, including the loss of our electricity!
In the past several weeks we have been barraged with news about Wall Street and the losses that occurred. Our focus has been on what we don't have, what we could lose, or how much we were worth last year vs this year.
Here's my thoughts about this:
1. The essence of your being is formless and isn't effected (even though you may feel lack) by any material loss, even your 401k. In fact, this strong sense of loss and lack can drive us even deeper into our essential selves if we choose to see it this way.
2. Our inner peace does not depend on external events. Use the lack or loss to propel yourself to go deeper within to find the Being that you are prior to all identifications. Your soul doesn't care about financial loss or gain.
3. If you can succeed within, you can succeed without.
4. Life does not exist in futures, or in your past. What we have for certain is here and now.
5. By allowing the sacred mystery to unfold without trying to hold on or tamper with it, we can and will move though anything.
6. Being grateful for what you do have zero's in on what's working in your life.
When things become challenging in my own life, I reflect on those faces in that small book. If they could speak what would they be saying? I'm certain that they all thought about how easy their lives once were, and how they took so much for granted, how they made mountains out of molehills, and how silly those small losses seemed in proportion to their daily horrific existence.
NOW is the time for us to allow the sacred mystery that resides in each and every one of us to awaken and unfold without trying to tamper with it, without wanting it to be anything but what it is. It is showing up just at the right moment so we can move through it with greater understanding of our purpose here and now.
The Holy Spirit assigns each of us to the place our talents and abilities can best be put to use and our lessons most powerfully learned. Don't doubt the plan, just make yourself available to it. Do so with gratitude in your heart.
Gratitude is the seed you plant, it grows stronger the more it is nurtured and watered.
Corrie Ten Boom
These words were written during WWII. While the Nazis were occupying her country this brave Dutch woman did the unthinkable; she hid the Ann Frank family (and others) in her attic. The punishment for this act was death. Not just her death, but the death of her entire family. They, like many others would have ended up in the death camps.
When I was growing up in the Netherlands, my father kept a small book with black and white pictures of "inmates" at various concentration camps throughout Europe. The pictures consisted of men, women and children in varying stages of dying. Some pictures depicted huge mountains of the dead, others depicted mass graves filled to the top with the dead. Their bodies looked more like skeletons with some skin pulled tight over their protruding ribs. Their faces all depicted the horrors of starvation and suffering.
My dad would say to me "whenever you feel like you don't have enough - look at those faces carefully, and then count your blessings for all the good in your life". I was five years old - but I got it.
In some families, this sort of visual display of suffering would have seemed out of place, but since my father had been a resistance fighter this became a normal topic of conversation in our daily lives, and so did the issue of gratitude.
When we immigrated to America, there were lean times when my family couldn't pay the light bill. I would come home from school to find my mother cooking on our gas stove surrounded by candle light. When I would ask her why there was no electricity, she would say "we won't have lights until payday, but we are having a party tonight, all of the immigrants are coming,
I want us all to come together and be grateful for each other and what we have." Gratitude was more powerful than any loss, including the loss of our electricity!
In the past several weeks we have been barraged with news about Wall Street and the losses that occurred. Our focus has been on what we don't have, what we could lose, or how much we were worth last year vs this year.
Here's my thoughts about this:
1. The essence of your being is formless and isn't effected (even though you may feel lack) by any material loss, even your 401k. In fact, this strong sense of loss and lack can drive us even deeper into our essential selves if we choose to see it this way.
2. Our inner peace does not depend on external events. Use the lack or loss to propel yourself to go deeper within to find the Being that you are prior to all identifications. Your soul doesn't care about financial loss or gain.
3. If you can succeed within, you can succeed without.
4. Life does not exist in futures, or in your past. What we have for certain is here and now.
5. By allowing the sacred mystery to unfold without trying to hold on or tamper with it, we can and will move though anything.
6. Being grateful for what you do have zero's in on what's working in your life.
When things become challenging in my own life, I reflect on those faces in that small book. If they could speak what would they be saying? I'm certain that they all thought about how easy their lives once were, and how they took so much for granted, how they made mountains out of molehills, and how silly those small losses seemed in proportion to their daily horrific existence.
NOW is the time for us to allow the sacred mystery that resides in each and every one of us to awaken and unfold without trying to tamper with it, without wanting it to be anything but what it is. It is showing up just at the right moment so we can move through it with greater understanding of our purpose here and now.
The Holy Spirit assigns each of us to the place our talents and abilities can best be put to use and our lessons most powerfully learned. Don't doubt the plan, just make yourself available to it. Do so with gratitude in your heart.
Gratitude is the seed you plant, it grows stronger the more it is nurtured and watered.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
IF . . .
This inspired me today . . .
If . . . by R. Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
If . . . by R. Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
WELCOME TO MEN O PAUSE
In the past few months I've been spending more time with my female friends. Most of us are in our 50's and have experienced the physical and psychological symptoms of our changing lives and bodies.
"Why do I feel so tired? Where has my sex drive gone, what's with all this weight, I'm eating less and gaining more, these hot flashes drive me crazy, why am I so sad, my life isn't that bad, yet I can't find my happy place?
I was reading through some old cards and letters I had written when the kids were young. I was shocked when I suddenly realized how much of myself had been invested in my mommie role. Everyting in these letters was about their lives, their activities, what they were/not eating and where they were going. There was no space in between the lines to even take a breath to ask myself what I wanted or needed - all of my energy was directed at their individual needs.
By the time the children are grown and have spread their wings we are faced with the task of re-defining who and what we really are.
For those of us who had careers while childrearing, this period of self reflection may not be so challenging. For the rest of us it can be quite a journey. Along with the empty nest, we are now confronted with the many physical changes that have suddenly shown up. How we choose to deal with these many symptoms requires a different way of seeing and experiencing who we are becoming.
There is great wisdom in nature. The seasons, the tides, the travels of the moon and celestial bodies all are in harmony with one another. What can be learned from being one with it?
1. Our bodies are trying to tell us something. Pay close attention. Even men-o-pause symptoms are revealing something deeper, something that has been waiting to be explored. Perhaps the time wasn't there before for this self discovery process? Nature is drawing us in. She knows what our needs are at his vulnerable time in our lives. She is always trying to awaken us to look beyond our self limiting thoughts about who we are.
2. Trust the wisdom of the Universe to tell you exactly what you need and when you need it. You have the time now, you didn't before. This is why it is all happening right now, you are finally available for yourself and your needs - nurture your needs without guilt.
3. Know that this is yet another cycle of life. All of it is perfect just as it is. It won't stay this way, it just feels like that. Trust it and go with the wisdom of nature to tell you exactly what is needed. A hot bath may work well for hot flashes, a long soak with our favorite oils or bubbles can lift our spirits. Remember when we couldn't even use the potty without our kids pounding at the bathroom door? Now we can take as long as we want, it's ok to give to us now. Remember the guilt when we needed a night out? Take yourself out now - go dancing in the moonlight naked, put flowers in your hair, buy yourself dinner.
4. Your body is changing, change is good. Embrace it. Do your energies need re-directing? You now have time to reflect and choose again.
Trust yourself, love yourself, be true to your own nature and watch what happens. Nature is supporting you right now, can you hear her calling?
"Why do I feel so tired? Where has my sex drive gone, what's with all this weight, I'm eating less and gaining more, these hot flashes drive me crazy, why am I so sad, my life isn't that bad, yet I can't find my happy place?
I was reading through some old cards and letters I had written when the kids were young. I was shocked when I suddenly realized how much of myself had been invested in my mommie role. Everyting in these letters was about their lives, their activities, what they were/not eating and where they were going. There was no space in between the lines to even take a breath to ask myself what I wanted or needed - all of my energy was directed at their individual needs.
By the time the children are grown and have spread their wings we are faced with the task of re-defining who and what we really are.
For those of us who had careers while childrearing, this period of self reflection may not be so challenging. For the rest of us it can be quite a journey. Along with the empty nest, we are now confronted with the many physical changes that have suddenly shown up. How we choose to deal with these many symptoms requires a different way of seeing and experiencing who we are becoming.
There is great wisdom in nature. The seasons, the tides, the travels of the moon and celestial bodies all are in harmony with one another. What can be learned from being one with it?
1. Our bodies are trying to tell us something. Pay close attention. Even men-o-pause symptoms are revealing something deeper, something that has been waiting to be explored. Perhaps the time wasn't there before for this self discovery process? Nature is drawing us in. She knows what our needs are at his vulnerable time in our lives. She is always trying to awaken us to look beyond our self limiting thoughts about who we are.
2. Trust the wisdom of the Universe to tell you exactly what you need and when you need it. You have the time now, you didn't before. This is why it is all happening right now, you are finally available for yourself and your needs - nurture your needs without guilt.
3. Know that this is yet another cycle of life. All of it is perfect just as it is. It won't stay this way, it just feels like that. Trust it and go with the wisdom of nature to tell you exactly what is needed. A hot bath may work well for hot flashes, a long soak with our favorite oils or bubbles can lift our spirits. Remember when we couldn't even use the potty without our kids pounding at the bathroom door? Now we can take as long as we want, it's ok to give to us now. Remember the guilt when we needed a night out? Take yourself out now - go dancing in the moonlight naked, put flowers in your hair, buy yourself dinner.
4. Your body is changing, change is good. Embrace it. Do your energies need re-directing? You now have time to reflect and choose again.
Trust yourself, love yourself, be true to your own nature and watch what happens. Nature is supporting you right now, can you hear her calling?
Friday, August 22, 2008
LABOR PAINS
dear josie,
life can be more cruel then we think we can handle but....i. . . .
My friend sent me an email this morning. She was sharing that the women in her life all seemed to be experiencing challenges and felt lost.
This is my response:
Great hearing from you. It's been a tough summer for so many folks. It feels to me that women, especially, are feeling this.
Of course, from our perspective, it feels as though we are being squeezed by forces around us.
In truth, we have signed up for these experiences because we are ready to grow and move into the next phase of our lives.
Remember pregnancy (who can forget) the nine months it took. We were doing what we could to prepare for the birth, nurturing and supporting each other. Then came labor pains. Transition was the worst. Powerful contractions, with no time in between to take a breath. Wondering as each contraction hit if we could make it to the next one. And then, finally, the birth. For many of us the pain of labor was forgotten as we gazed into the eyes of our new baby.
And so it is with women our age right now; we are giving birth to ourselves. Sometimes this process can take much longer than nine months. And yes, it can be very painful. When we approach transition, our lives seem completely out of our control. The pain keeps coming, there is no backing down. We must remind each other to breathe. Sometimes we need some coaching, someone to hold our hand and tell us that we CAN make it through this process. Sometimes we may wish to go at it alone.
In either case, it is our journey, our birth that we are anticipating - but before we can do this, we must first clear out the old.
It is during this process of clearing out old stuff where we face the most resistance. Letting go of aspects of ourselves without knowing where or what we re becoming is both scary and painful. We will endure, labor has begun and we can't walk away. We must complete the journey. We intuitively feel that we have the power and the knowledge, what we need is inner strength to move forward to the next phase.
As women we already posses this inner strength, collectively and individually. It is ours for the taking.
We can and should support one another. However, just like the birthing process, there is only so much we can do to aid someone else's birthing. Ultimately, we must all push the baby out by ourselves. We can assist others, but we cannot and should not try to take away the pain and make it all better. Accepting what is showing up and looking at the problem from a different perspective is one way to see a situation differently. Moving out of a place of feeling victimized is another. Having the faith in ourselves and each other will bring us renewed strength that we didn't realize we had. But remember, it is our personal journey now, our choices. We are done wondering if we should do something for the kids, our parents, our friends. Now is the time when we need to look into the mirror and ask that woman what kind of life she wants to create for herself.
When we become clear about what we really want, then the next step is to do something (even if it's something very small) every day to make it happen. The action must always come from us, no one else can give us that. Try to think outside the box, outside your past limitations. Create a new dream for yourself - what do you have to lose but your old way of thinking and acting?
Above all, trust that whatever is showing up in your life is what you have invited it in for the specific learning experience that you require for your transformation. I realize it may not feel like that when you are in this transition process, but trust me, you will change, grow and learn from whatever pain you have experienced in the past. It is never for nothing.
The special person you are looking for is already there, inside yourself. No-one can give you what you need, you must ultimately learn that we are here to learn how to love and nurture ourselves.
love, Josie
life can be more cruel then we think we can handle but....i. . . .
My friend sent me an email this morning. She was sharing that the women in her life all seemed to be experiencing challenges and felt lost.
This is my response:
Great hearing from you. It's been a tough summer for so many folks. It feels to me that women, especially, are feeling this.
Of course, from our perspective, it feels as though we are being squeezed by forces around us.
In truth, we have signed up for these experiences because we are ready to grow and move into the next phase of our lives.
Remember pregnancy (who can forget) the nine months it took. We were doing what we could to prepare for the birth, nurturing and supporting each other. Then came labor pains. Transition was the worst. Powerful contractions, with no time in between to take a breath. Wondering as each contraction hit if we could make it to the next one. And then, finally, the birth. For many of us the pain of labor was forgotten as we gazed into the eyes of our new baby.
And so it is with women our age right now; we are giving birth to ourselves. Sometimes this process can take much longer than nine months. And yes, it can be very painful. When we approach transition, our lives seem completely out of our control. The pain keeps coming, there is no backing down. We must remind each other to breathe. Sometimes we need some coaching, someone to hold our hand and tell us that we CAN make it through this process. Sometimes we may wish to go at it alone.
In either case, it is our journey, our birth that we are anticipating - but before we can do this, we must first clear out the old.
It is during this process of clearing out old stuff where we face the most resistance. Letting go of aspects of ourselves without knowing where or what we re becoming is both scary and painful. We will endure, labor has begun and we can't walk away. We must complete the journey. We intuitively feel that we have the power and the knowledge, what we need is inner strength to move forward to the next phase.
As women we already posses this inner strength, collectively and individually. It is ours for the taking.
We can and should support one another. However, just like the birthing process, there is only so much we can do to aid someone else's birthing. Ultimately, we must all push the baby out by ourselves. We can assist others, but we cannot and should not try to take away the pain and make it all better. Accepting what is showing up and looking at the problem from a different perspective is one way to see a situation differently. Moving out of a place of feeling victimized is another. Having the faith in ourselves and each other will bring us renewed strength that we didn't realize we had. But remember, it is our personal journey now, our choices. We are done wondering if we should do something for the kids, our parents, our friends. Now is the time when we need to look into the mirror and ask that woman what kind of life she wants to create for herself.
When we become clear about what we really want, then the next step is to do something (even if it's something very small) every day to make it happen. The action must always come from us, no one else can give us that. Try to think outside the box, outside your past limitations. Create a new dream for yourself - what do you have to lose but your old way of thinking and acting?
Above all, trust that whatever is showing up in your life is what you have invited it in for the specific learning experience that you require for your transformation. I realize it may not feel like that when you are in this transition process, but trust me, you will change, grow and learn from whatever pain you have experienced in the past. It is never for nothing.
The special person you are looking for is already there, inside yourself. No-one can give you what you need, you must ultimately learn that we are here to learn how to love and nurture ourselves.
love, Josie
Monday, August 11, 2008
THE HOLY RELATIONSHIP
Relationships, like anything else, can be used for learning and deep inner growth. A relationship is the third entity. If a relationship lasts long enough, it will actually bring much of our deep inner pain to the surface. That is where the learning will take place. The relationship then becomes an instrument of peace for the Holy Spirit.
My clients continually ask me: "How do we find a holy relationship? I reply that ALL relationships are already holy in the eyes of God". It is our willingness to let go and surrender the relationship to that which is already whole (holy). We are not here to fix, change,or belittle another person. We are here to support, forgive and heal one another.
But how DO we stay committed to a holy relationship? The starting point is always within ourselves. How are we willing to see this person? Do we see them as someone who is flawed, imperfect, unthoughtful, unloving. If so, we must first fight these dragons inside of ourselves.
Somewhere in our past, we held these exact beliefs about ourselves. We accepted them as true, and held onto them until the exact time came for us to project them onto others, making them as "wrong" as ourselves. This is not negative, or wrong, it simply is the way we process our own pain. Our pain is the unhealed places inside of each of us. When we are in a sacred relationship (and ALL relationships are sacred to the Holy Spirit) it forces us to look closely at where we have been wounded ourselves.
Spiritual relationships are like detox. Things have to come to the surface in order to be seen and accepted, and finally released.
A relationship that is used by the Holy Spirit becomes a place where our mental blocks to love are not suppressed or denied, but rather brought into our conscious awareness. When we can finally see our own dysfunctions clearly, then we're ready to ask God to show us another way. Our fearful places have to be revealed before they can be healed. "Darkness is always brought to light, not the other way around" If a relationship allows us to avoid our unhealed places, then we're really hiding there, and not growing. The Holy relationship will not support that.
To our egos, we like to think of the relationships of others to be perfect. Everyone shows a perfect face, a perfect job, a perfect life. This isn't always as it seems. How many times have you envied someone else's relationship, thinking your own was a complete mess? Showing the world a perfect face doesn't serve anyone. A show of strength is not always genuine or honest. If we simply foster illusions about ourselves and our relationships there will be no growth or healing.
In a holy relationship, we don't seek to change someone, but rather to see how perfect they already are. If we continually have an agenda for someone's life or for our relationship, it is only a distraction for failing to look deeply inside ourselves.
Remember, not all relationships are meant to stay together. That doesn't make them wrong. To the ego, a relationship is used to fill our own personal needs as the ego dictates. The Holy Spirit asks that the relationship be used by God to serve His purposes. This purpose is always that we might learn to love others more purely.
We love purely when we release other people to be who they really are. The ego seeks intimacy through control and guilt, The Holy Spirit seeks intimacy through acceptance and release.
When we begin to let down our own masks we are revealing ourselves as our true nature. We are not "bad" for doing so. We invented this mask to hide our true selves. Our true selves is the light inside of each of us. Our safety lies in letting down this mask, not concealing it. This is a tough call when we are so afraid of being judged. This is the place where the holy relationship comes in. If we can feel safe enough to be ourselves, take off the mask and see what has been kept hidden and then to let another see it as well, without judgement it will free us to move into the vastness of who we really are.
A holy relationship is this: a common state of mind, where both give errors gladly to correction, that both may be healed as one. If your relationship isn't perfect then accept that whatever is showing up is here to show you how to grow and transform what has been behind the mask. Try removing your own mask, it makes it easier to see clearly.
My clients continually ask me: "How do we find a holy relationship? I reply that ALL relationships are already holy in the eyes of God". It is our willingness to let go and surrender the relationship to that which is already whole (holy). We are not here to fix, change,or belittle another person. We are here to support, forgive and heal one another.
But how DO we stay committed to a holy relationship? The starting point is always within ourselves. How are we willing to see this person? Do we see them as someone who is flawed, imperfect, unthoughtful, unloving. If so, we must first fight these dragons inside of ourselves.
Somewhere in our past, we held these exact beliefs about ourselves. We accepted them as true, and held onto them until the exact time came for us to project them onto others, making them as "wrong" as ourselves. This is not negative, or wrong, it simply is the way we process our own pain. Our pain is the unhealed places inside of each of us. When we are in a sacred relationship (and ALL relationships are sacred to the Holy Spirit) it forces us to look closely at where we have been wounded ourselves.
Spiritual relationships are like detox. Things have to come to the surface in order to be seen and accepted, and finally released.
A relationship that is used by the Holy Spirit becomes a place where our mental blocks to love are not suppressed or denied, but rather brought into our conscious awareness. When we can finally see our own dysfunctions clearly, then we're ready to ask God to show us another way. Our fearful places have to be revealed before they can be healed. "Darkness is always brought to light, not the other way around" If a relationship allows us to avoid our unhealed places, then we're really hiding there, and not growing. The Holy relationship will not support that.
To our egos, we like to think of the relationships of others to be perfect. Everyone shows a perfect face, a perfect job, a perfect life. This isn't always as it seems. How many times have you envied someone else's relationship, thinking your own was a complete mess? Showing the world a perfect face doesn't serve anyone. A show of strength is not always genuine or honest. If we simply foster illusions about ourselves and our relationships there will be no growth or healing.
In a holy relationship, we don't seek to change someone, but rather to see how perfect they already are. If we continually have an agenda for someone's life or for our relationship, it is only a distraction for failing to look deeply inside ourselves.
Remember, not all relationships are meant to stay together. That doesn't make them wrong. To the ego, a relationship is used to fill our own personal needs as the ego dictates. The Holy Spirit asks that the relationship be used by God to serve His purposes. This purpose is always that we might learn to love others more purely.
We love purely when we release other people to be who they really are. The ego seeks intimacy through control and guilt, The Holy Spirit seeks intimacy through acceptance and release.
When we begin to let down our own masks we are revealing ourselves as our true nature. We are not "bad" for doing so. We invented this mask to hide our true selves. Our true selves is the light inside of each of us. Our safety lies in letting down this mask, not concealing it. This is a tough call when we are so afraid of being judged. This is the place where the holy relationship comes in. If we can feel safe enough to be ourselves, take off the mask and see what has been kept hidden and then to let another see it as well, without judgement it will free us to move into the vastness of who we really are.
A holy relationship is this: a common state of mind, where both give errors gladly to correction, that both may be healed as one. If your relationship isn't perfect then accept that whatever is showing up is here to show you how to grow and transform what has been behind the mask. Try removing your own mask, it makes it easier to see clearly.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
NATURAL LAW
"Do you think you can take over the universe and improve it?
I do not believe it can be done.
Everything under heaven is a sacred vessel and cannot be controlled. Trying to control leads to ruin. Trying to grasp, we lose.
Allow your life to unfold naturally. Know that it too is a vessel of perfection. Just as you breathe in and breathe out, there is a time for being ahead and a time for being behind; a time for being in motion and a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous and a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe and a time for being in danger.
To the sage all of life is movement toward perfection, so what need has he for the excessive, the extravagant, or the extreme?"
29th Verse of the Tao
As I read and re-read this verse from the Tao, I am reminded that this has become the age of "instant manifestation/gratification". We are an anxious society. We are working longer, spending less time on re-charging our batteries, many of us are on some form of anti-depressants to help us just "make it through the day". We are on a perpetual power trip. Feeling superior is a human creation. The squirrel doesn't feel it is superior to the mole because it lives high in the treetops. This isn't considered high priced real estate. The mole doesn't feel imposed upon because her home is deep in the ground. There is no envy in nature.
"Everything under heaven is a sacred vessel." This means that it is already perfect. We fail to recognize the perfection of nature because we like to think that nature depends upon our approval.
Our lives are chaotic because we have forgotten our place in the scheme of things. Everything that shows up in our life is there to point us in the direction of our life's purpose - though at the time we may not recognize it as such. All events are perfect, exactly as they are.
It is our ego (edging God out) that perceives events to be negative or positive. All events simply "are what they are" when we continually label events we lose the real message of what the moment is trying to teach us.
The ego dominated mind tries to protect us from the pain by insisting that you can eliminate some aspects of your life that you don't like.
Where does the learning come in? Will we be selective about what comes our way?
Perhaps this is why we are so out of balance, individually and collectively.
The ancients realized that everything, that is everything is unfolding exactly, perfectly as it should. Even if our ego's perspective tells us a different story.
How much are you really willing to let go of today - at this moment. Take an inventory. Include past experiences that you've blamed for preventing you from having abundance, health or happiness that you wanted and even expected.
Begin today by becoming conscious of surrendering, and allowing your world and everyone in it to do exactly what they need to do without judging, condemning or correcting their behavior. By doing so you will create a natural sanctuary for the Tao to just flow in and through your life.
"To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under Heaven"
Woman with Flower
I wouldn't coax the plant if I were you.
Such watchful nurturing may do it harm.
Let the soil rest from so much digging.
And wait until it's dry before you water it.
The leaf's inclined to find its own direction;
Give it a chance to seek the sunlight for itself.
Much growth is stunted by too much prodding,
Too eager tenderness.
The things we love we have to learn to leave alone.
Naomi Long Madgett
I do not believe it can be done.
Everything under heaven is a sacred vessel and cannot be controlled. Trying to control leads to ruin. Trying to grasp, we lose.
Allow your life to unfold naturally. Know that it too is a vessel of perfection. Just as you breathe in and breathe out, there is a time for being ahead and a time for being behind; a time for being in motion and a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous and a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe and a time for being in danger.
To the sage all of life is movement toward perfection, so what need has he for the excessive, the extravagant, or the extreme?"
29th Verse of the Tao
As I read and re-read this verse from the Tao, I am reminded that this has become the age of "instant manifestation/gratification". We are an anxious society. We are working longer, spending less time on re-charging our batteries, many of us are on some form of anti-depressants to help us just "make it through the day". We are on a perpetual power trip. Feeling superior is a human creation. The squirrel doesn't feel it is superior to the mole because it lives high in the treetops. This isn't considered high priced real estate. The mole doesn't feel imposed upon because her home is deep in the ground. There is no envy in nature.
"Everything under heaven is a sacred vessel." This means that it is already perfect. We fail to recognize the perfection of nature because we like to think that nature depends upon our approval.
Our lives are chaotic because we have forgotten our place in the scheme of things. Everything that shows up in our life is there to point us in the direction of our life's purpose - though at the time we may not recognize it as such. All events are perfect, exactly as they are.
It is our ego (edging God out) that perceives events to be negative or positive. All events simply "are what they are" when we continually label events we lose the real message of what the moment is trying to teach us.
The ego dominated mind tries to protect us from the pain by insisting that you can eliminate some aspects of your life that you don't like.
Where does the learning come in? Will we be selective about what comes our way?
Perhaps this is why we are so out of balance, individually and collectively.
The ancients realized that everything, that is everything is unfolding exactly, perfectly as it should. Even if our ego's perspective tells us a different story.
How much are you really willing to let go of today - at this moment. Take an inventory. Include past experiences that you've blamed for preventing you from having abundance, health or happiness that you wanted and even expected.
Begin today by becoming conscious of surrendering, and allowing your world and everyone in it to do exactly what they need to do without judging, condemning or correcting their behavior. By doing so you will create a natural sanctuary for the Tao to just flow in and through your life.
"To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under Heaven"
Woman with Flower
I wouldn't coax the plant if I were you.
Such watchful nurturing may do it harm.
Let the soil rest from so much digging.
And wait until it's dry before you water it.
The leaf's inclined to find its own direction;
Give it a chance to seek the sunlight for itself.
Much growth is stunted by too much prodding,
Too eager tenderness.
The things we love we have to learn to leave alone.
Naomi Long Madgett
Friday, August 1, 2008
flower fertilizer
We are at the point in our Spiritual evolution when the time has come to face once and for all, all of the demons that have kept us in bondage. These could be old issues, childhood pain, divorce, bankruptcy, physical ailments or whatever.
The universe is telling us, not just asking us, to deal with this right now. Until we do so, we are limiting our power to create the kind of world we wish to see.
It's no longer acceptable to be stuck in the smallness of our own narcissism when our greatness is really needed. It is time to release whatever we have kept hidden, especially from ourselves.
In hypno-coaching, we begin our work by looking the demons right in the eye. Going back to what I refer to as "original pain work".
In the altered state we can point the flashlight into the dark recesses of our personal past. It's really amazing what waits there. Sometimes an issue is so irrelevant and childish, yet at the time it happened, it effected us negatively. We are still running with that script in our hands declaring to all "see, see what has been done here - it's unjust, it's totally unfair".
It could have been just a comment by a teacher, or something our mother said (mother's words can kill) "you're so fat, why can't you be more like your sister, thin and athletic" ouch! Let's keep that one filed away really deep!
These comments can become who we "perceive" we are. They have nothing to do with who we really are. Who we really are is a spirit having a physical experience, we're here to learn. Even in our most disfuncitonal, painful place, there is always
something there for us to bring back, reflect on, and ultimately, release.
We must be willing to soften, surrender, give up control, not care if we are right or who was really wrong and mostly, to detach from the opinions of others. We can do this by being willing to accept "what is" right now, this moment is here so we can choose again. We are never stuck, or alone. Though this may be the perception we hold on to.
Not every lesson will feel like fun while it's taking place. And there may be times when we resist growth -fiercely. Every situation comes bearing a gift; an opportunity to become who we really want to be and to live the life we really
want to live.
"The only way to grow is to let go. Take out our old shit and fertilize the flowers." Think of how lovely your garden will look when that is done.
The universe is telling us, not just asking us, to deal with this right now. Until we do so, we are limiting our power to create the kind of world we wish to see.
It's no longer acceptable to be stuck in the smallness of our own narcissism when our greatness is really needed. It is time to release whatever we have kept hidden, especially from ourselves.
In hypno-coaching, we begin our work by looking the demons right in the eye. Going back to what I refer to as "original pain work".
In the altered state we can point the flashlight into the dark recesses of our personal past. It's really amazing what waits there. Sometimes an issue is so irrelevant and childish, yet at the time it happened, it effected us negatively. We are still running with that script in our hands declaring to all "see, see what has been done here - it's unjust, it's totally unfair".
It could have been just a comment by a teacher, or something our mother said (mother's words can kill) "you're so fat, why can't you be more like your sister, thin and athletic" ouch! Let's keep that one filed away really deep!
These comments can become who we "perceive" we are. They have nothing to do with who we really are. Who we really are is a spirit having a physical experience, we're here to learn. Even in our most disfuncitonal, painful place, there is always
something there for us to bring back, reflect on, and ultimately, release.
We must be willing to soften, surrender, give up control, not care if we are right or who was really wrong and mostly, to detach from the opinions of others. We can do this by being willing to accept "what is" right now, this moment is here so we can choose again. We are never stuck, or alone. Though this may be the perception we hold on to.
Not every lesson will feel like fun while it's taking place. And there may be times when we resist growth -fiercely. Every situation comes bearing a gift; an opportunity to become who we really want to be and to live the life we really
want to live.
"The only way to grow is to let go. Take out our old shit and fertilize the flowers." Think of how lovely your garden will look when that is done.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
PAIN AS A POSSIBLITY
Is our inability to cope with painful situations via our historic patterns a sign of our evolution toward wholeness?
It's a good question isn't it. I find this thought provoking, especially for women over 50. Is this just a different perspective on how I've been looking at things in my own life? Or is this a brand new level of inner awareness? What does it mean to move toward healing as oppose to moving away from it?
Pain presents a possibility to learn. It's not a liability or a punishment, but a great teacher. We can choose to lean into the pain, to experience it "head on" instead of running away from it.
In my hypno-coaching practice I invite my clients to "step up to the plate and into their pain". In most cases, the monster in the closet isn't half as scary once it is let out. It is by keeping it locked up deep inside a dark well that makes it seem very powerful and strong.
Whatever you are hiding from yourself, running away from, afraid of, will eventually manifest into your reality. Moving toward wholeness and healing may mean that the seas get very stormy and that things get messy before they are cleaned up.
When we observe a painful situation or relationship, we can choose how much we wish to participate in it, what the lessons are and how to use the information for our own journey.
The intention of facing the fear will be enough to transform it. This means having a fearless attitude toward the monster at all times. The monster doesn't just go away, it is here to engage us, to teach us and to invite us to take back our power without falling victim to it's voracious appetite .
In my personal journey, I have made some very bad and destructive choices. I have also made some really great choices. To me, the most important aspect of all these choices is that they are entirely my own - all of them. And so are the lessons that accompany these choices. These were also chosen by me, even if that choice was subconscious, I must take full responsibility.
To move forward and let the past go involves complete forgiveness. To forgive does not mean that we condone or support everything that we've done or the painful things others have done. However, it does mean that we need to own it in order to move forward.
The most important journey we will take for our personal healing is the journey inward. Unless we know who we are, how can we possibly offer what we have?
It's a good question isn't it. I find this thought provoking, especially for women over 50. Is this just a different perspective on how I've been looking at things in my own life? Or is this a brand new level of inner awareness? What does it mean to move toward healing as oppose to moving away from it?
Pain presents a possibility to learn. It's not a liability or a punishment, but a great teacher. We can choose to lean into the pain, to experience it "head on" instead of running away from it.
In my hypno-coaching practice I invite my clients to "step up to the plate and into their pain". In most cases, the monster in the closet isn't half as scary once it is let out. It is by keeping it locked up deep inside a dark well that makes it seem very powerful and strong.
Whatever you are hiding from yourself, running away from, afraid of, will eventually manifest into your reality. Moving toward wholeness and healing may mean that the seas get very stormy and that things get messy before they are cleaned up.
When we observe a painful situation or relationship, we can choose how much we wish to participate in it, what the lessons are and how to use the information for our own journey.
The intention of facing the fear will be enough to transform it. This means having a fearless attitude toward the monster at all times. The monster doesn't just go away, it is here to engage us, to teach us and to invite us to take back our power without falling victim to it's voracious appetite .
In my personal journey, I have made some very bad and destructive choices. I have also made some really great choices. To me, the most important aspect of all these choices is that they are entirely my own - all of them. And so are the lessons that accompany these choices. These were also chosen by me, even if that choice was subconscious, I must take full responsibility.
To move forward and let the past go involves complete forgiveness. To forgive does not mean that we condone or support everything that we've done or the painful things others have done. However, it does mean that we need to own it in order to move forward.
The most important journey we will take for our personal healing is the journey inward. Unless we know who we are, how can we possibly offer what we have?
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
OUR INTERNAL STATE
Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. Our real goal in any situation becomes inner peace. Our internal state of being determines what we experience in each moment of our lives. Our external experiences do not determine our internal state.
We can connect with our internal state by practicing a moment of silence. Just a short moment will do. While driving I practice "just listening" to the silence instead of music. I realize that the moment I notice the silence that I am no longer thinking. Inner silence is a "no thing", formless, nothingness. Sometimes just visiting that internal state can bring an abundance of energy and new ideas. We have all visited there, even though it may have been just a short visit.
Just having that one moment of inner stillness can sometimes propel me throughout a challenging day. True action comes from this inner space.
Next time a challenging situation arises, ask yourself: where is the inner space in me right now, can I be silent for just one moment? Then take a few breaths to catch a glimpse of this inner space.
Where is this space in you right now? What part of the body feels more sensation/alive than another?
If your mind begins to wander and tries to return to the external event, don't fight with it, or try to understand it, that doesn't work. In fact, it will pull you back in.
It is by observing it without challenging it that we can stay focused on that internal realm. We then reclaim both our inner peace and our power.
Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. Our real goal in any situation becomes inner peace. Our internal state of being determines what we experience in each moment of our lives. Our external experiences do not determine our internal state.
We can connect with our internal state by practicing a moment of silence. Just a short moment will do. While driving I practice "just listening" to the silence instead of music. I realize that the moment I notice the silence that I am no longer thinking. Inner silence is a "no thing", formless, nothingness. Sometimes just visiting that internal state can bring an abundance of energy and new ideas. We have all visited there, even though it may have been just a short visit.
Just having that one moment of inner stillness can sometimes propel me throughout a challenging day. True action comes from this inner space.
Next time a challenging situation arises, ask yourself: where is the inner space in me right now, can I be silent for just one moment? Then take a few breaths to catch a glimpse of this inner space.
Where is this space in you right now? What part of the body feels more sensation/alive than another?
If your mind begins to wander and tries to return to the external event, don't fight with it, or try to understand it, that doesn't work. In fact, it will pull you back in.
It is by observing it without challenging it that we can stay focused on that internal realm. We then reclaim both our inner peace and our power.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A few months ago the lot next door to our house got cleared. All but 4 of the trees were cut down. At the time, I was sitting in front of my computer upstairs. I could feel the vibrations of the trees as each one fell to the ground. These were the very trees that I had observed for 24 years, they grew up with my children, stood proud and tall for many a Sierra winter, this had become their fate in the name of progress.
As each tree fell, flocks of birds began flying around and around our house, like they were in a sense of great panic, and all they could do was fly in circles in a state of shock.
The next day, I observed a robin and her mate building a nest right next to my window. There seemed to be a sense of urgency. I thought perhaps their nest had been destroyed by the tree cutting.
The male was very engaged in searching for the "right" twig. He would carefully bring it to the female. She would then inspect it and, if it was acceptable weave it into the nest. She would protest when the object wasn't to her liking, these castoffs were on a small pile below the nest. "Just like a pregnant woman," I thought, everything must be in order for the birth.
After several weeks of nest building I could hear sounds, especially early in the morning. I would observe the male robin coming and going with food. I could hear the cries of the chicks as their morning meal would be delivered. I felt all of my maternal instincts re-awakening.
Each day I would wake up, hear the chicks, observe the parents' comings and goings. They had become a part of "my" family.
The days grew into weeks and soon the chicks were fully grown. One day my husband said "I think they will be taking off soon". Oh, I thought "I'm really going to miss them when they fly
away". I felt so attached to this family, like it was my own.
The next day I awoke to a strange stillness. I could feel that something had changed, there was an eerie kind of quiet, like when the kids have left for the weekend and you don't know what to really do with yourself. I felt as if my kids had left home all over again. I kept staring up at
the "empty nest" in disbelief I cried all that day and the next.
Days passed and I was expecting this mamma robin to return, just to have a last look around "gosh this really was a swell nest, great location, no cats, I'm so glad we re-located when our other nest was torn down."
There was no return trip. There was no "looking back" at what had been there only a few days ago.
A deep sense of peace and acceptance came over me, this family of robins shared my house to teach me the lesson of compete surrender to what is - without looking back, something I had not been able to do.
For years I have been "trying" to let go of any and all attachment to our house. I would always pull back -" after all, my kids grew up here, of course I'm attached, I'm not ready to let go, what if they come back and need a place to live".
This robin family taught me what it means to live fully in the moment without
any attachment to future outcomes. To accept "what is" to do what we must do, take full responsibility and move forward when nature dictates it without any sense of sadness, loss, or looking back.
Several times during the day, I find myself gazing up at the nest where there was so much activity. It is still now. I've thought about getting out our tall ladder and retrieving the nest, bringing it inside and placing it on my bookcase as a poignant reminder to let go. Perhaps I will just leave it where it is, undisturbed. The lesson was learned and now it is time to finally let go.
Somewhere out there a robin sings, her song isn't about self pity, menopause, loss of identity, or about letting go. Her song simply is. If I listen carefully I will always hear her. I now carry her song inside of me.
As each tree fell, flocks of birds began flying around and around our house, like they were in a sense of great panic, and all they could do was fly in circles in a state of shock.
The next day, I observed a robin and her mate building a nest right next to my window. There seemed to be a sense of urgency. I thought perhaps their nest had been destroyed by the tree cutting.
The male was very engaged in searching for the "right" twig. He would carefully bring it to the female. She would then inspect it and, if it was acceptable weave it into the nest. She would protest when the object wasn't to her liking, these castoffs were on a small pile below the nest. "Just like a pregnant woman," I thought, everything must be in order for the birth.
After several weeks of nest building I could hear sounds, especially early in the morning. I would observe the male robin coming and going with food. I could hear the cries of the chicks as their morning meal would be delivered. I felt all of my maternal instincts re-awakening.
Each day I would wake up, hear the chicks, observe the parents' comings and goings. They had become a part of "my" family.
The days grew into weeks and soon the chicks were fully grown. One day my husband said "I think they will be taking off soon". Oh, I thought "I'm really going to miss them when they fly
away". I felt so attached to this family, like it was my own.
The next day I awoke to a strange stillness. I could feel that something had changed, there was an eerie kind of quiet, like when the kids have left for the weekend and you don't know what to really do with yourself. I felt as if my kids had left home all over again. I kept staring up at
the "empty nest" in disbelief I cried all that day and the next.
Days passed and I was expecting this mamma robin to return, just to have a last look around "gosh this really was a swell nest, great location, no cats, I'm so glad we re-located when our other nest was torn down."
There was no return trip. There was no "looking back" at what had been there only a few days ago.
A deep sense of peace and acceptance came over me, this family of robins shared my house to teach me the lesson of compete surrender to what is - without looking back, something I had not been able to do.
For years I have been "trying" to let go of any and all attachment to our house. I would always pull back -" after all, my kids grew up here, of course I'm attached, I'm not ready to let go, what if they come back and need a place to live".
This robin family taught me what it means to live fully in the moment without
any attachment to future outcomes. To accept "what is" to do what we must do, take full responsibility and move forward when nature dictates it without any sense of sadness, loss, or looking back.
Several times during the day, I find myself gazing up at the nest where there was so much activity. It is still now. I've thought about getting out our tall ladder and retrieving the nest, bringing it inside and placing it on my bookcase as a poignant reminder to let go. Perhaps I will just leave it where it is, undisturbed. The lesson was learned and now it is time to finally let go.
Somewhere out there a robin sings, her song isn't about self pity, menopause, loss of identity, or about letting go. Her song simply is. If I listen carefully I will always hear her. I now carry her song inside of me.
Monday, July 14, 2008
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