In the past few months I've been spending more time with my female friends. Most of us are in our 50's and have experienced the physical and psychological symptoms of our changing lives and bodies.
"Why do I feel so tired? Where has my sex drive gone, what's with all this weight, I'm eating less and gaining more, these hot flashes drive me crazy, why am I so sad, my life isn't that bad, yet I can't find my happy place?
I was reading through some old cards and letters I had written when the kids were young. I was shocked when I suddenly realized how much of myself had been invested in my mommie role. Everyting in these letters was about their lives, their activities, what they were/not eating and where they were going. There was no space in between the lines to even take a breath to ask myself what I wanted or needed - all of my energy was directed at their individual needs.
By the time the children are grown and have spread their wings we are faced with the task of re-defining who and what we really are.
For those of us who had careers while childrearing, this period of self reflection may not be so challenging. For the rest of us it can be quite a journey. Along with the empty nest, we are now confronted with the many physical changes that have suddenly shown up. How we choose to deal with these many symptoms requires a different way of seeing and experiencing who we are becoming.
There is great wisdom in nature. The seasons, the tides, the travels of the moon and celestial bodies all are in harmony with one another. What can be learned from being one with it?
1. Our bodies are trying to tell us something. Pay close attention. Even men-o-pause symptoms are revealing something deeper, something that has been waiting to be explored. Perhaps the time wasn't there before for this self discovery process? Nature is drawing us in. She knows what our needs are at his vulnerable time in our lives. She is always trying to awaken us to look beyond our self limiting thoughts about who we are.
2. Trust the wisdom of the Universe to tell you exactly what you need and when you need it. You have the time now, you didn't before. This is why it is all happening right now, you are finally available for yourself and your needs - nurture your needs without guilt.
3. Know that this is yet another cycle of life. All of it is perfect just as it is. It won't stay this way, it just feels like that. Trust it and go with the wisdom of nature to tell you exactly what is needed. A hot bath may work well for hot flashes, a long soak with our favorite oils or bubbles can lift our spirits. Remember when we couldn't even use the potty without our kids pounding at the bathroom door? Now we can take as long as we want, it's ok to give to us now. Remember the guilt when we needed a night out? Take yourself out now - go dancing in the moonlight naked, put flowers in your hair, buy yourself dinner.
4. Your body is changing, change is good. Embrace it. Do your energies need re-directing? You now have time to reflect and choose again.
Trust yourself, love yourself, be true to your own nature and watch what happens. Nature is supporting you right now, can you hear her calling?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
LABOR PAINS
dear josie,
life can be more cruel then we think we can handle but....i. . . .
My friend sent me an email this morning. She was sharing that the women in her life all seemed to be experiencing challenges and felt lost.
This is my response:
Great hearing from you. It's been a tough summer for so many folks. It feels to me that women, especially, are feeling this.
Of course, from our perspective, it feels as though we are being squeezed by forces around us.
In truth, we have signed up for these experiences because we are ready to grow and move into the next phase of our lives.
Remember pregnancy (who can forget) the nine months it took. We were doing what we could to prepare for the birth, nurturing and supporting each other. Then came labor pains. Transition was the worst. Powerful contractions, with no time in between to take a breath. Wondering as each contraction hit if we could make it to the next one. And then, finally, the birth. For many of us the pain of labor was forgotten as we gazed into the eyes of our new baby.
And so it is with women our age right now; we are giving birth to ourselves. Sometimes this process can take much longer than nine months. And yes, it can be very painful. When we approach transition, our lives seem completely out of our control. The pain keeps coming, there is no backing down. We must remind each other to breathe. Sometimes we need some coaching, someone to hold our hand and tell us that we CAN make it through this process. Sometimes we may wish to go at it alone.
In either case, it is our journey, our birth that we are anticipating - but before we can do this, we must first clear out the old.
It is during this process of clearing out old stuff where we face the most resistance. Letting go of aspects of ourselves without knowing where or what we re becoming is both scary and painful. We will endure, labor has begun and we can't walk away. We must complete the journey. We intuitively feel that we have the power and the knowledge, what we need is inner strength to move forward to the next phase.
As women we already posses this inner strength, collectively and individually. It is ours for the taking.
We can and should support one another. However, just like the birthing process, there is only so much we can do to aid someone else's birthing. Ultimately, we must all push the baby out by ourselves. We can assist others, but we cannot and should not try to take away the pain and make it all better. Accepting what is showing up and looking at the problem from a different perspective is one way to see a situation differently. Moving out of a place of feeling victimized is another. Having the faith in ourselves and each other will bring us renewed strength that we didn't realize we had. But remember, it is our personal journey now, our choices. We are done wondering if we should do something for the kids, our parents, our friends. Now is the time when we need to look into the mirror and ask that woman what kind of life she wants to create for herself.
When we become clear about what we really want, then the next step is to do something (even if it's something very small) every day to make it happen. The action must always come from us, no one else can give us that. Try to think outside the box, outside your past limitations. Create a new dream for yourself - what do you have to lose but your old way of thinking and acting?
Above all, trust that whatever is showing up in your life is what you have invited it in for the specific learning experience that you require for your transformation. I realize it may not feel like that when you are in this transition process, but trust me, you will change, grow and learn from whatever pain you have experienced in the past. It is never for nothing.
The special person you are looking for is already there, inside yourself. No-one can give you what you need, you must ultimately learn that we are here to learn how to love and nurture ourselves.
love, Josie
life can be more cruel then we think we can handle but....i. . . .
My friend sent me an email this morning. She was sharing that the women in her life all seemed to be experiencing challenges and felt lost.
This is my response:
Great hearing from you. It's been a tough summer for so many folks. It feels to me that women, especially, are feeling this.
Of course, from our perspective, it feels as though we are being squeezed by forces around us.
In truth, we have signed up for these experiences because we are ready to grow and move into the next phase of our lives.
Remember pregnancy (who can forget) the nine months it took. We were doing what we could to prepare for the birth, nurturing and supporting each other. Then came labor pains. Transition was the worst. Powerful contractions, with no time in between to take a breath. Wondering as each contraction hit if we could make it to the next one. And then, finally, the birth. For many of us the pain of labor was forgotten as we gazed into the eyes of our new baby.
And so it is with women our age right now; we are giving birth to ourselves. Sometimes this process can take much longer than nine months. And yes, it can be very painful. When we approach transition, our lives seem completely out of our control. The pain keeps coming, there is no backing down. We must remind each other to breathe. Sometimes we need some coaching, someone to hold our hand and tell us that we CAN make it through this process. Sometimes we may wish to go at it alone.
In either case, it is our journey, our birth that we are anticipating - but before we can do this, we must first clear out the old.
It is during this process of clearing out old stuff where we face the most resistance. Letting go of aspects of ourselves without knowing where or what we re becoming is both scary and painful. We will endure, labor has begun and we can't walk away. We must complete the journey. We intuitively feel that we have the power and the knowledge, what we need is inner strength to move forward to the next phase.
As women we already posses this inner strength, collectively and individually. It is ours for the taking.
We can and should support one another. However, just like the birthing process, there is only so much we can do to aid someone else's birthing. Ultimately, we must all push the baby out by ourselves. We can assist others, but we cannot and should not try to take away the pain and make it all better. Accepting what is showing up and looking at the problem from a different perspective is one way to see a situation differently. Moving out of a place of feeling victimized is another. Having the faith in ourselves and each other will bring us renewed strength that we didn't realize we had. But remember, it is our personal journey now, our choices. We are done wondering if we should do something for the kids, our parents, our friends. Now is the time when we need to look into the mirror and ask that woman what kind of life she wants to create for herself.
When we become clear about what we really want, then the next step is to do something (even if it's something very small) every day to make it happen. The action must always come from us, no one else can give us that. Try to think outside the box, outside your past limitations. Create a new dream for yourself - what do you have to lose but your old way of thinking and acting?
Above all, trust that whatever is showing up in your life is what you have invited it in for the specific learning experience that you require for your transformation. I realize it may not feel like that when you are in this transition process, but trust me, you will change, grow and learn from whatever pain you have experienced in the past. It is never for nothing.
The special person you are looking for is already there, inside yourself. No-one can give you what you need, you must ultimately learn that we are here to learn how to love and nurture ourselves.
love, Josie
Monday, August 11, 2008
THE HOLY RELATIONSHIP
Relationships, like anything else, can be used for learning and deep inner growth. A relationship is the third entity. If a relationship lasts long enough, it will actually bring much of our deep inner pain to the surface. That is where the learning will take place. The relationship then becomes an instrument of peace for the Holy Spirit.
My clients continually ask me: "How do we find a holy relationship? I reply that ALL relationships are already holy in the eyes of God". It is our willingness to let go and surrender the relationship to that which is already whole (holy). We are not here to fix, change,or belittle another person. We are here to support, forgive and heal one another.
But how DO we stay committed to a holy relationship? The starting point is always within ourselves. How are we willing to see this person? Do we see them as someone who is flawed, imperfect, unthoughtful, unloving. If so, we must first fight these dragons inside of ourselves.
Somewhere in our past, we held these exact beliefs about ourselves. We accepted them as true, and held onto them until the exact time came for us to project them onto others, making them as "wrong" as ourselves. This is not negative, or wrong, it simply is the way we process our own pain. Our pain is the unhealed places inside of each of us. When we are in a sacred relationship (and ALL relationships are sacred to the Holy Spirit) it forces us to look closely at where we have been wounded ourselves.
Spiritual relationships are like detox. Things have to come to the surface in order to be seen and accepted, and finally released.
A relationship that is used by the Holy Spirit becomes a place where our mental blocks to love are not suppressed or denied, but rather brought into our conscious awareness. When we can finally see our own dysfunctions clearly, then we're ready to ask God to show us another way. Our fearful places have to be revealed before they can be healed. "Darkness is always brought to light, not the other way around" If a relationship allows us to avoid our unhealed places, then we're really hiding there, and not growing. The Holy relationship will not support that.
To our egos, we like to think of the relationships of others to be perfect. Everyone shows a perfect face, a perfect job, a perfect life. This isn't always as it seems. How many times have you envied someone else's relationship, thinking your own was a complete mess? Showing the world a perfect face doesn't serve anyone. A show of strength is not always genuine or honest. If we simply foster illusions about ourselves and our relationships there will be no growth or healing.
In a holy relationship, we don't seek to change someone, but rather to see how perfect they already are. If we continually have an agenda for someone's life or for our relationship, it is only a distraction for failing to look deeply inside ourselves.
Remember, not all relationships are meant to stay together. That doesn't make them wrong. To the ego, a relationship is used to fill our own personal needs as the ego dictates. The Holy Spirit asks that the relationship be used by God to serve His purposes. This purpose is always that we might learn to love others more purely.
We love purely when we release other people to be who they really are. The ego seeks intimacy through control and guilt, The Holy Spirit seeks intimacy through acceptance and release.
When we begin to let down our own masks we are revealing ourselves as our true nature. We are not "bad" for doing so. We invented this mask to hide our true selves. Our true selves is the light inside of each of us. Our safety lies in letting down this mask, not concealing it. This is a tough call when we are so afraid of being judged. This is the place where the holy relationship comes in. If we can feel safe enough to be ourselves, take off the mask and see what has been kept hidden and then to let another see it as well, without judgement it will free us to move into the vastness of who we really are.
A holy relationship is this: a common state of mind, where both give errors gladly to correction, that both may be healed as one. If your relationship isn't perfect then accept that whatever is showing up is here to show you how to grow and transform what has been behind the mask. Try removing your own mask, it makes it easier to see clearly.
My clients continually ask me: "How do we find a holy relationship? I reply that ALL relationships are already holy in the eyes of God". It is our willingness to let go and surrender the relationship to that which is already whole (holy). We are not here to fix, change,or belittle another person. We are here to support, forgive and heal one another.
But how DO we stay committed to a holy relationship? The starting point is always within ourselves. How are we willing to see this person? Do we see them as someone who is flawed, imperfect, unthoughtful, unloving. If so, we must first fight these dragons inside of ourselves.
Somewhere in our past, we held these exact beliefs about ourselves. We accepted them as true, and held onto them until the exact time came for us to project them onto others, making them as "wrong" as ourselves. This is not negative, or wrong, it simply is the way we process our own pain. Our pain is the unhealed places inside of each of us. When we are in a sacred relationship (and ALL relationships are sacred to the Holy Spirit) it forces us to look closely at where we have been wounded ourselves.
Spiritual relationships are like detox. Things have to come to the surface in order to be seen and accepted, and finally released.
A relationship that is used by the Holy Spirit becomes a place where our mental blocks to love are not suppressed or denied, but rather brought into our conscious awareness. When we can finally see our own dysfunctions clearly, then we're ready to ask God to show us another way. Our fearful places have to be revealed before they can be healed. "Darkness is always brought to light, not the other way around" If a relationship allows us to avoid our unhealed places, then we're really hiding there, and not growing. The Holy relationship will not support that.
To our egos, we like to think of the relationships of others to be perfect. Everyone shows a perfect face, a perfect job, a perfect life. This isn't always as it seems. How many times have you envied someone else's relationship, thinking your own was a complete mess? Showing the world a perfect face doesn't serve anyone. A show of strength is not always genuine or honest. If we simply foster illusions about ourselves and our relationships there will be no growth or healing.
In a holy relationship, we don't seek to change someone, but rather to see how perfect they already are. If we continually have an agenda for someone's life or for our relationship, it is only a distraction for failing to look deeply inside ourselves.
Remember, not all relationships are meant to stay together. That doesn't make them wrong. To the ego, a relationship is used to fill our own personal needs as the ego dictates. The Holy Spirit asks that the relationship be used by God to serve His purposes. This purpose is always that we might learn to love others more purely.
We love purely when we release other people to be who they really are. The ego seeks intimacy through control and guilt, The Holy Spirit seeks intimacy through acceptance and release.
When we begin to let down our own masks we are revealing ourselves as our true nature. We are not "bad" for doing so. We invented this mask to hide our true selves. Our true selves is the light inside of each of us. Our safety lies in letting down this mask, not concealing it. This is a tough call when we are so afraid of being judged. This is the place where the holy relationship comes in. If we can feel safe enough to be ourselves, take off the mask and see what has been kept hidden and then to let another see it as well, without judgement it will free us to move into the vastness of who we really are.
A holy relationship is this: a common state of mind, where both give errors gladly to correction, that both may be healed as one. If your relationship isn't perfect then accept that whatever is showing up is here to show you how to grow and transform what has been behind the mask. Try removing your own mask, it makes it easier to see clearly.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
NATURAL LAW
"Do you think you can take over the universe and improve it?
I do not believe it can be done.
Everything under heaven is a sacred vessel and cannot be controlled. Trying to control leads to ruin. Trying to grasp, we lose.
Allow your life to unfold naturally. Know that it too is a vessel of perfection. Just as you breathe in and breathe out, there is a time for being ahead and a time for being behind; a time for being in motion and a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous and a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe and a time for being in danger.
To the sage all of life is movement toward perfection, so what need has he for the excessive, the extravagant, or the extreme?"
29th Verse of the Tao
As I read and re-read this verse from the Tao, I am reminded that this has become the age of "instant manifestation/gratification". We are an anxious society. We are working longer, spending less time on re-charging our batteries, many of us are on some form of anti-depressants to help us just "make it through the day". We are on a perpetual power trip. Feeling superior is a human creation. The squirrel doesn't feel it is superior to the mole because it lives high in the treetops. This isn't considered high priced real estate. The mole doesn't feel imposed upon because her home is deep in the ground. There is no envy in nature.
"Everything under heaven is a sacred vessel." This means that it is already perfect. We fail to recognize the perfection of nature because we like to think that nature depends upon our approval.
Our lives are chaotic because we have forgotten our place in the scheme of things. Everything that shows up in our life is there to point us in the direction of our life's purpose - though at the time we may not recognize it as such. All events are perfect, exactly as they are.
It is our ego (edging God out) that perceives events to be negative or positive. All events simply "are what they are" when we continually label events we lose the real message of what the moment is trying to teach us.
The ego dominated mind tries to protect us from the pain by insisting that you can eliminate some aspects of your life that you don't like.
Where does the learning come in? Will we be selective about what comes our way?
Perhaps this is why we are so out of balance, individually and collectively.
The ancients realized that everything, that is everything is unfolding exactly, perfectly as it should. Even if our ego's perspective tells us a different story.
How much are you really willing to let go of today - at this moment. Take an inventory. Include past experiences that you've blamed for preventing you from having abundance, health or happiness that you wanted and even expected.
Begin today by becoming conscious of surrendering, and allowing your world and everyone in it to do exactly what they need to do without judging, condemning or correcting their behavior. By doing so you will create a natural sanctuary for the Tao to just flow in and through your life.
"To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under Heaven"
Woman with Flower
I wouldn't coax the plant if I were you.
Such watchful nurturing may do it harm.
Let the soil rest from so much digging.
And wait until it's dry before you water it.
The leaf's inclined to find its own direction;
Give it a chance to seek the sunlight for itself.
Much growth is stunted by too much prodding,
Too eager tenderness.
The things we love we have to learn to leave alone.
Naomi Long Madgett
I do not believe it can be done.
Everything under heaven is a sacred vessel and cannot be controlled. Trying to control leads to ruin. Trying to grasp, we lose.
Allow your life to unfold naturally. Know that it too is a vessel of perfection. Just as you breathe in and breathe out, there is a time for being ahead and a time for being behind; a time for being in motion and a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous and a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe and a time for being in danger.
To the sage all of life is movement toward perfection, so what need has he for the excessive, the extravagant, or the extreme?"
29th Verse of the Tao
As I read and re-read this verse from the Tao, I am reminded that this has become the age of "instant manifestation/gratification". We are an anxious society. We are working longer, spending less time on re-charging our batteries, many of us are on some form of anti-depressants to help us just "make it through the day". We are on a perpetual power trip. Feeling superior is a human creation. The squirrel doesn't feel it is superior to the mole because it lives high in the treetops. This isn't considered high priced real estate. The mole doesn't feel imposed upon because her home is deep in the ground. There is no envy in nature.
"Everything under heaven is a sacred vessel." This means that it is already perfect. We fail to recognize the perfection of nature because we like to think that nature depends upon our approval.
Our lives are chaotic because we have forgotten our place in the scheme of things. Everything that shows up in our life is there to point us in the direction of our life's purpose - though at the time we may not recognize it as such. All events are perfect, exactly as they are.
It is our ego (edging God out) that perceives events to be negative or positive. All events simply "are what they are" when we continually label events we lose the real message of what the moment is trying to teach us.
The ego dominated mind tries to protect us from the pain by insisting that you can eliminate some aspects of your life that you don't like.
Where does the learning come in? Will we be selective about what comes our way?
Perhaps this is why we are so out of balance, individually and collectively.
The ancients realized that everything, that is everything is unfolding exactly, perfectly as it should. Even if our ego's perspective tells us a different story.
How much are you really willing to let go of today - at this moment. Take an inventory. Include past experiences that you've blamed for preventing you from having abundance, health or happiness that you wanted and even expected.
Begin today by becoming conscious of surrendering, and allowing your world and everyone in it to do exactly what they need to do without judging, condemning or correcting their behavior. By doing so you will create a natural sanctuary for the Tao to just flow in and through your life.
"To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under Heaven"
Woman with Flower
I wouldn't coax the plant if I were you.
Such watchful nurturing may do it harm.
Let the soil rest from so much digging.
And wait until it's dry before you water it.
The leaf's inclined to find its own direction;
Give it a chance to seek the sunlight for itself.
Much growth is stunted by too much prodding,
Too eager tenderness.
The things we love we have to learn to leave alone.
Naomi Long Madgett
Friday, August 1, 2008
flower fertilizer
We are at the point in our Spiritual evolution when the time has come to face once and for all, all of the demons that have kept us in bondage. These could be old issues, childhood pain, divorce, bankruptcy, physical ailments or whatever.
The universe is telling us, not just asking us, to deal with this right now. Until we do so, we are limiting our power to create the kind of world we wish to see.
It's no longer acceptable to be stuck in the smallness of our own narcissism when our greatness is really needed. It is time to release whatever we have kept hidden, especially from ourselves.
In hypno-coaching, we begin our work by looking the demons right in the eye. Going back to what I refer to as "original pain work".
In the altered state we can point the flashlight into the dark recesses of our personal past. It's really amazing what waits there. Sometimes an issue is so irrelevant and childish, yet at the time it happened, it effected us negatively. We are still running with that script in our hands declaring to all "see, see what has been done here - it's unjust, it's totally unfair".
It could have been just a comment by a teacher, or something our mother said (mother's words can kill) "you're so fat, why can't you be more like your sister, thin and athletic" ouch! Let's keep that one filed away really deep!
These comments can become who we "perceive" we are. They have nothing to do with who we really are. Who we really are is a spirit having a physical experience, we're here to learn. Even in our most disfuncitonal, painful place, there is always
something there for us to bring back, reflect on, and ultimately, release.
We must be willing to soften, surrender, give up control, not care if we are right or who was really wrong and mostly, to detach from the opinions of others. We can do this by being willing to accept "what is" right now, this moment is here so we can choose again. We are never stuck, or alone. Though this may be the perception we hold on to.
Not every lesson will feel like fun while it's taking place. And there may be times when we resist growth -fiercely. Every situation comes bearing a gift; an opportunity to become who we really want to be and to live the life we really
want to live.
"The only way to grow is to let go. Take out our old shit and fertilize the flowers." Think of how lovely your garden will look when that is done.
The universe is telling us, not just asking us, to deal with this right now. Until we do so, we are limiting our power to create the kind of world we wish to see.
It's no longer acceptable to be stuck in the smallness of our own narcissism when our greatness is really needed. It is time to release whatever we have kept hidden, especially from ourselves.
In hypno-coaching, we begin our work by looking the demons right in the eye. Going back to what I refer to as "original pain work".
In the altered state we can point the flashlight into the dark recesses of our personal past. It's really amazing what waits there. Sometimes an issue is so irrelevant and childish, yet at the time it happened, it effected us negatively. We are still running with that script in our hands declaring to all "see, see what has been done here - it's unjust, it's totally unfair".
It could have been just a comment by a teacher, or something our mother said (mother's words can kill) "you're so fat, why can't you be more like your sister, thin and athletic" ouch! Let's keep that one filed away really deep!
These comments can become who we "perceive" we are. They have nothing to do with who we really are. Who we really are is a spirit having a physical experience, we're here to learn. Even in our most disfuncitonal, painful place, there is always
something there for us to bring back, reflect on, and ultimately, release.
We must be willing to soften, surrender, give up control, not care if we are right or who was really wrong and mostly, to detach from the opinions of others. We can do this by being willing to accept "what is" right now, this moment is here so we can choose again. We are never stuck, or alone. Though this may be the perception we hold on to.
Not every lesson will feel like fun while it's taking place. And there may be times when we resist growth -fiercely. Every situation comes bearing a gift; an opportunity to become who we really want to be and to live the life we really
want to live.
"The only way to grow is to let go. Take out our old shit and fertilize the flowers." Think of how lovely your garden will look when that is done.
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