LABOR PAINS

dear josie,

life can be more cruel then we think we can handle but....i. . . .

My friend sent me an email this morning. She was sharing that the women in her life all seemed to be experiencing challenges and felt lost.

This is my response:

Great hearing from you. It's been a tough summer for so many folks. It feels to me that women, especially, are feeling this.

Of course, from our perspective, it feels as though we are being squeezed by forces around us.

In truth, we have signed up for these experiences because we are ready to grow and move into the next phase of our lives.

Remember pregnancy (who can forget) the nine months it took. We were doing what we could to prepare for the birth, nurturing and supporting each other. Then came labor pains. Transition was the worst. Powerful contractions, with no time in between to take a breath. Wondering as each contraction hit if we could make it to the next one. And then, finally, the birth. For many of us the pain of labor was forgotten as we gazed into the eyes of our new baby.

And so it is with women our age right now; we are giving birth to ourselves. Sometimes this process can take much longer than nine months. And yes, it can be very painful. When we approach transition, our lives seem completely out of our control. The pain keeps coming, there is no backing down. We must remind each other to breathe. Sometimes we need some coaching, someone to hold our hand and tell us that we CAN make it through this process. Sometimes we may wish to go at it alone.
In either case, it is our journey, our birth that we are anticipating - but before we can do this, we must first clear out the old.

It is during this process of clearing out old stuff where we face the most resistance. Letting go of aspects of ourselves without knowing where or what we re becoming is both scary and painful. We will endure, labor has begun and we can't walk away. We must complete the journey. We intuitively feel that we have the power and the knowledge, what we need is inner strength to move forward to the next phase.
As women we already posses this inner strength, collectively and individually. It is ours for the taking.

We can and should support one another. However, just like the birthing process, there is only so much we can do to aid someone else's birthing. Ultimately, we must all push the baby out by ourselves. We can assist others, but we cannot and should not try to take away the pain and make it all better. Accepting what is showing up and looking at the problem from a different perspective is one way to see a situation differently. Moving out of a place of feeling victimized is another. Having the faith in ourselves and each other will bring us renewed strength that we didn't realize we had. But remember, it is our personal journey now, our choices. We are done wondering if we should do something for the kids, our parents, our friends. Now is the time when we need to look into the mirror and ask that woman what kind of life she wants to create for herself.

When we become clear about what we really want, then the next step is to do something (even if it's something very small) every day to make it happen. The action must always come from us, no one else can give us that. Try to think outside the box, outside your past limitations. Create a new dream for yourself - what do you have to lose but your old way of thinking and acting?

Above all, trust that whatever is showing up in your life is what you have invited it in for the specific learning experience that you require for your transformation. I realize it may not feel like that when you are in this transition process, but trust me, you will change, grow and learn from whatever pain you have experienced in the past. It is never for nothing.
The special person you are looking for is already there, inside yourself. No-one can give you what you need, you must ultimately learn that we are here to learn how to love and nurture ourselves.

love, Josie