THE HOLY RELATIONSHIP

Relationships, like anything else, can be used for learning and deep inner growth. A relationship is the third entity. If a relationship lasts long enough, it will actually bring much of our deep inner pain to the surface. That is where the learning will take place. The relationship then becomes an instrument of peace for the Holy Spirit.

My clients continually ask me: "How do we find a holy relationship? I reply that ALL relationships are already holy in the eyes of God". It is our willingness to let go and surrender the relationship to that which is already whole (holy). We are not here to fix, change,or belittle another person. We are here to support, forgive and heal one another.

But how DO we stay committed to a holy relationship? The starting point is always within ourselves. How are we willing to see this person? Do we see them as someone who is flawed, imperfect, unthoughtful, unloving. If so, we must first fight these dragons inside of ourselves.

Somewhere in our past, we held these exact beliefs about ourselves. We accepted them as true, and held onto them until the exact time came for us to project them onto others, making them as "wrong" as ourselves. This is not negative, or wrong, it simply is the way we process our own pain. Our pain is the unhealed places inside of each of us. When we are in a sacred relationship (and ALL relationships are sacred to the Holy Spirit) it forces us to look closely at where we have been wounded ourselves.

Spiritual relationships are like detox. Things have to come to the surface in order to be seen and accepted, and finally released.

A relationship that is used by the Holy Spirit becomes a place where our mental blocks to love are not suppressed or denied, but rather brought into our conscious awareness. When we can finally see our own dysfunctions clearly, then we're ready to ask God to show us another way. Our fearful places have to be revealed before they can be healed. "Darkness is always brought to light, not the other way around" If a relationship allows us to avoid our unhealed places, then we're really hiding there, and not growing. The Holy relationship will not support that.

To our egos, we like to think of the relationships of others to be perfect. Everyone shows a perfect face, a perfect job, a perfect life. This isn't always as it seems. How many times have you envied someone else's relationship, thinking your own was a complete mess? Showing the world a perfect face doesn't serve anyone. A show of strength is not always genuine or honest. If we simply foster illusions about ourselves and our relationships there will be no growth or healing.

In a holy relationship, we don't seek to change someone, but rather to see how perfect they already are. If we continually have an agenda for someone's life or for our relationship, it is only a distraction for failing to look deeply inside ourselves.

Remember, not all relationships are meant to stay together. That doesn't make them wrong. To the ego, a relationship is used to fill our own personal needs as the ego dictates. The Holy Spirit asks that the relationship be used by God to serve His purposes. This purpose is always that we might learn to love others more purely.

We love purely when we release other people to be who they really are. The ego seeks intimacy through control and guilt, The Holy Spirit seeks intimacy through acceptance and release.

When we begin to let down our own masks we are revealing ourselves as our true nature. We are not "bad" for doing so. We invented this mask to hide our true selves. Our true selves is the light inside of each of us. Our safety lies in letting down this mask, not concealing it. This is a tough call when we are so afraid of being judged. This is the place where the holy relationship comes in. If we can feel safe enough to be ourselves, take off the mask and see what has been kept hidden and then to let another see it as well, without judgement it will free us to move into the vastness of who we really are.

A holy relationship is this: a common state of mind, where both give errors gladly to correction, that both may be healed as one. If your relationship isn't perfect then accept that whatever is showing up is here to show you how to grow and transform what has been behind the mask. Try removing your own mask, it makes it easier to see clearly.